I’m not a very big ‘poetry’ writer, and I wouldn’t really classify this as ‘poetry’. However, this kind of just found its way out while I was listening to ‘Spring Day’ by BTS. It ended up being one of those things where you just write and you get something that you didn’t even knew existed in your mind. I highly recommend this song, but at the very least, enjoy!
Here is a link to the music video for the song if you would like to listen to it!
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To: Babe <3
i miss you.
i’m sorry to say it’s true,
i know that youre gone
but i still wish you were here
————————-
i still love you
i still love your eyes,
how they held the entire universe
i miss them,
but i miss you more
————————-
i haven’t cried since you left
i haven’t done anything,
nothing.
i’ve hardly lived.
i’ve only breathed.
————————
why? why did you go?
———————–
do you remember the date?
i do.
april 12th, 11:33 pm.
im on my way, you wrote
okay , was my response
little do you know how much those words still hurt
———————-
its snowing
you always liked snow
it pains me not to be spending it with you
———————-
im sorry
for everything
———————–
i dont know why im still sending you messages
its been a year
i know that youre gone
im sorry
———————–
i miss you
———————-
how much longer will i hold onto you?
i dont think i could even answer it myself.
you used to look at me with such awe
i used to do the same thing with you
what happened to us?
—————————–
its spring again
but it feels like winter
why does it always feel like winter without you?
—————————-
i told myself that i should just try to forget you
so i wont feel the pain anymore.
my mind agreed.
my heart didnt
—————————
every time that i say i dont miss you anymore
i miss you even more
please come back
————————–
it was my fault
all of it was
im sorry
im so sorry
————————
everything hurts
everything hurts but i cant feel a thing
————————
i hate you
why do you still make me feel
i hate you
———————–
when i saw that crash, i knew i had died
i had died right along with you
————————
please come back
i just want you to come back
———————–
you wouldnt have been there if i didnt ask you to come
its all my fault
i should have been the one in the drivers seat
———————
i love you, so much
.
.
.
this number is no longer activated
Image used:
“girl in water”, worldoro, tumblr
https://aminoapps.com/c/k-pop/page/blog/bts-spring-day-gifs-set-2/XrIg_uje2mBdJRpKwo43Ve7xoBrLmq
Dearest Chloe,
As a fellow kpop fan myself, I was pleasantly surprised by this piece. “On A Spring Day” conveys a whirlwind of emotions spanning from guilt, mourning, and resenting with the constant pang of heartfelt love. I especially enjoyed how you sectioned off your poetry as if they were text messages (and thus the last line, “this number is no longer activated”).
A small glow I would recommend to you is to read aloud your writing and find places where punctuation seems iffy or needs to be added. This will smoothen out the flow of your piece even more!
Overall, your style of writing is definitely intriguing to me and will be something to look forward to this semester. I can’t wait to see what other beautiful pieces you have in store. 🙂
With love,
Faith
Faith!
Thank you so much for your critique. I do struggle with punctuation, but it’s always nice to be reminded that I need to continue to work with it!
It means so (so) much that you think about my writing as ‘intriguing’ as I don’t believe I’ve ever had someone say that to me.
Thank you!
Chloe
Dear Chloe,
You say you’re not a poetry writer, but here you are writing breathtaking poetry! You are such an amazing writer, poetry, essays, personal responses, everything!! Your voice truly came out in this and the way you structured this piece as a text conversation was so creative and I loved every word of it!
As for improvements, the most I could think of was maybe checking over for small punctuation mistakes just so that your piece has a better sound to it although it already does! Punctuation is something I especially struggle with and your writing would be that much better with a little more proofreading!!
Your piece was genuinely so mesmerizing and I couldn’t stop reading. I really liked how you put your prose at the begining so we had context as well how amazing it was that you put the song so we could see your inspiration! I cannot wait to see more of your pieces!
Sincerely,
alyna
Alyna!!
You’re always too kind to me lol, but to hear (or more….read) you say that you enjoyed my poetry means the work to me! You are an incredible writer, and I can’t thank you enough 🙂 Also.. thank you for thinking that I was being creative!
For the punctuation (a word that I can’t seem to spell correctly without the help of spellcheck), thank you for pointing it out! I’m horrible at making sure that my writing flows grammar wise, and I do (often) forget to proofread my writing in that way. Thank you for reminding me to do so!!
Overall, it means so much to me that you complimented my poetry, as I was very unsure about posting it! To hear you tell me that it’s good means the world!!
Thank you!!
Chloe!
Dear Chloe,
As I was reading through this wonderfully written piece it hit me with a lot of feelings and emotions.It was a very captivating piece which emotionally connected to me.Thus intriguing me into the piece as well as into your style of writing.
A small edit that could be made to this wonderfully written piece is some editing to punctuation throughout the piece.
Once again a very personal and alluring piece.Can’t wait to read more of your pieces in the future.
Sincerely,
Zulkifl
Zulkifl!
Thank you for understanding the emotions in the piece, as I was slightly unsure about if I was conveying them in a way that would be evident to whoever was reading, so for you to comment on them is very helpful 🙂
As I have said to the previous comments, I do struggle with punctuation and to hear that if I had edited it would’ve been helpful for my writing is telling me that I really do need to work on it, so thank you!
Thank you for commenting on this post, and I can’t wait to read more of your writing throughout this semester!
Thank you!!
Chloe!